So apparently, I only post every 2 years. I think I am on a 2-year crisis cycle – which I’d say is pretty darn good, all things considered. 💃 😹

At 26 years old, I am learning that life is about:

1) how you hold both grief and joy at the same time

2) how you carry and release fear

3) how you nurture hope when you can’t see past today

4) how you lean in when all you want to do is run away

Life is a lot more about the hows than the whats – the journey instead of the outcome. We have no control over where we end up, but we have domain over today. So, the most important thing we can do is be intentional about how we live within the confines of this day and how we steward our allotment of hope.

As someone who has always been hyper-focused on and driven by outcomes, it is a particularly hard lesson to learn that no matter how hard you try or want something, sometimes you just cannot force something to work. Simultaneously, you cannot force yourself to feel anything other than what you feel right now. Grief and disappointment are potent and very real human emotions – especially when dealing with something you had invested your hope in. (Hope differed makes the heart sick. – Proverbs 13:12)

No matter how hard you tried to keep your hopes in check to prevent hurt or how hard you currently try to strong-arm your way forward with a forced smile and good attitude, sometimes life just kicks you in the literal (or, in my case, proverbial 😹) nuts and you have to stop and learn something.

I’m a woman who gets sh*t done – always have been. Unfortunately, that means I tend to operate in hyper-independence mode, steamrolling my way through life until I am acted upon by an equal or greater force… Newton’s first law of motion.

Well, friends, ya girl has been f(irst-law-of-motion)’d up and forced to stop in my tracks in this season of life. AND APPARENTLY, THAT IS HOW WE GROW AND LEARN IN THIS LIFE??!!! I apologize for shouting, but how about we get HR to write a new SOP for a process to grow without heartache? I’d be all about a paradigm shift due to drinking tea and doing old lady crafts, but apparently, the primary vehicle for growth is pain. *deep sigh*

As someone who has been living in beautiful western North Carolina for a few years, I am always chasing mountaintops and sunsets. Few things in life inspire to the extent of being rewarded after a long hike with a beautiful sunset on top of a mountain—being so far removed from the valley and soaking in the miles of landscape illuminated before you in beautiful golden light.

Unfortunately, I have found that this life is made up of a few mountaintops with miles of valleys in between.

Have you ever felt like God has led you into a valley all alone? There is something about solitude that can feel absolutely crushing as it brings to light everything in you that you try to run from. Things feel so much heavier when you are carrying them by yourself.

Mountaintops give you hope and perspective.

However, you build strength and endurance on the hike through the valley between peaks.

So, how are we supposed to navigate this life between the peaks of where we have been and where we are hoping to be?

How are we supposed to see where to go next when light barely cuts through the tree canopy to the valley floor in front of us?

How are we supposed to keep going when we can’t see past the here and now?

How are we supposed to keep going when we reach the limits of what we can bear in our own strength?

Hope is a powerful force. Focusing on big dreams for the future has gotten me through so many seasons. However, blind optimism will only get you so far, and I have been brought to a season where I can’t see past right now.

I have been praying to God to give me fresh hope and vision for the future.

Instead of answering that prayer, He shifted my perspective.

Lean in.

I was reading my Bible last night and landed on Psalm 42:5 “Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God.”

“in” is such a tiny word, but it quite literally smacked me in the head last night.

What struck me (coming from a season where I have felt pretty d*mn lost and have been praying to God to renew my hope and give me a vision for my future) is this concept of NOT hoping FOR something but investing my hope IN God and who He is.

– not attaching my hope to some future desired outcome and presenting it to God to bless but being intentional with my remaining reserves of hope and investing them in God’s hands to take care of me, hold my hand, and guide me to and through every season of this life.

That is so different from clinging to a dream or version of the future as our hope. We have no control over outcomes in this life – hence the constant disappointment we weather.

Hoping in God and who He has proven Himself to be is the only thing that will not disappoint.

He is faithful to see you and me through this and every season of life.

Why do I believe that to be true? Because He has done it in every season before. He is faithful even when we are not.

He has a bird’s eye view of your life from horizon to horizon.

Your hope is safe in Him.

Dear friend, it is okay not to know what to do next. I know just how heavy life can feel sometimes. However, that might be a sign to sit down, lean in, and look up.

Stop trying and trust.

Hope in God.

Love ya,

Cat

P.S. Here is a banger if you need encouragement today: Keep Going – Sarah Jeurs