I want to explain what you are about to read. The first part is something I felt like I needed to write back in February but never knew how to finish. So, I never published it. Little did I know, I was writing for my future self.

The second part is something I wrote today in September of 2018.

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February 14, 2018

Woah. I am currently reading the book of Matthew in order for the first time.

Jesus is wild.

In the first 14 chapters, he is legit healing and saving people nonstop. We have all heard/read these stories individually, but when I saw them together, I realized something.

The people He helped were not those who were praying in the synagogues (or churches) utterly wrapped up in religious pretenses. No. The people He helped were those who came to Him, humbly cried, and reached out to Him with everything they had. They were the people who were lost, broken, and devastated by the world. They were broken by their sin (as we all are) but didn’t pretend to be otherwise. They had absolutely nothing and no one else to turn to but God. They didn’t cloak themselves in self-righteousness or prideful self-reliance. Most were not even Jewish. In fact, most were the outcasts, marginalized, and enemies of society. Most were publicly known for their sins.

Yet, these groups of people recognized who Jesus was and the hope that He is. Because of this, they did not waste their energy attempting to find their hope in the world. Instead, they used all of their effort to reach for Him – the One who created the world.

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September 22, 2018

RAHHHHHHHHH. I have found that when I reach a really good place mentally, the devil uses all of his power to tear me down – to use every possible thing to make me insecure and discontent. (Who can relate? 🙋‍♀️) The devil uses everything in his power to make the void we all have (that only God can fill) feel like an insurmountable chasm cleaved through the center of our chests.

Haha I realize that that was a pretty dramatic sentence.

Nonetheless, it is how I feel right now,

and I know I cannot be alone in this either.

As I am writing this, I have come to the realization that I have been unknowingly attempting to fill this void with:

*drum roll please*

crap.

(mindless entertainment, Netflix, social media, wishing for a relationship, attempting to “figure out” *cough* control *cough* my future, comparison, etc.)

HA, and I wonder why I feel so bad.

{Note: wanting a relationship is not bad, peeps. God made Eve for Adam for a reason! However, if you take a step back and realize that the devil is using this to steal joy from you today, tell the devil to back the H E double hockey sticks up. :)}

I have slowly taken the contentment and hope I placed in God and given it to other people/things.

What does any of this have to do with anything?

I want you to know that you are not alone. Life is not a continuous state of sunshine, rainbows, unicorns, aesthetic instagram feeds, and Britt’s donuts. Sometimes, it consists of sickness, losing a loved one, Hurricane Florence ripping through your community, insecurity with everything, and heaven forbid: the Paleo diet for a diehard food lover (RIP).

Yet, regardless of what is going on, God is still there within reach.

All this change in circumstances means is that it may take much more effort to raise your arms and reach for Him.

Take heart, my friend.

Take heart, and reach.

XOXO,

Cat